Birthday without firm plans unfolds beautifully

Birthdays, to my mind, are special. We’re recognized without doing anything impressive. No one close to me was also born on November 26, so the day belongs to me. Some years it falls on Thanksgiving, guaranteeing family members will celebrate with me.

Looking at the calendar a few days before this year’s birthday, I was concerned. None of the celebratory meals to which friends had invited me fell on the actual day. Could my birthday feel special if I spent it alone?

Maybe, if I made it a self-care day. 

Google self-care and you’ll find a range of practices from soothing baths to meditation. To prepare for my self-care day, I wrote a list of ideas from which to choose, depending on my mood. I even thought to buy a single-serving bottle of wine that could be taken to my favorite BYOB restaurant.

I also listed things that were skippable for a day: Chores. Knee-strengthening exercises. Paying attention to calories.

With texts, emails, and phone calls coming from friends and family on the morning of my birthday, the self-care ideas weren’t wanted until midday. At the top of the list was gratitude, considered a form of self-care because it gets our minds off negative thoughts. A good place to express gratitude was the noontime service at my church.

An unexpected reason for gratitude happened as I left church. A friend of 50 years who lives in South Carolina called with birthday wishes. We usually speak only at Christmas.

Gratitude continued to be the focus when I sat down in a coffee house. Sipping a calorific hot chocolate, I started to list reasons to be thankful: health, financial security, friends and family, my cat, interests and involvements, being settled in my condo. Those big things aren’t all I should note, I realized. Everyday blessings — such as an upbeat chat in the elevator, success with a new recipe, sunshine — are also reasons for gratitude. I resolved to start appreciating small pleasures each day.

Switching from introspection to self-indulgence, I shopped online for a birthday present and ordered a pair of walking shoes. Then it was time for dinner at a Thai restaurant and a free birthday scoop of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins.

It was early evening when I returned home, still time to invite three nearby friends for a glass of wine. Lucky for me, they all were free. For a couple of hours we had a wide-ranging conversation, avoiding the recent election that depressed us all. I did not spend my whole birthday alone after all.

As I turned out the lights for bed, I gave thanks for how beautifully the day had unfolded and resolved to not wait a year for another self-care day. In fact, why not put self-care into every day?

To that end, here are other ideas that were on my self-care list:

• Take a bath with the tub jets on.

• Walk somewhere beautiful.

• Rewatch a favorite movie or start rereading a favorite novel.

• Meditate.

• Listen to music without doing anything else.

• Write or call a friend.

• Hang something on a wall, move around knickknacks, or make another decorative change.

• Cook a special meal.

• Get a massage or do a self-massage.

• Take a day trip.

• Stretch or do yoga.

• Try a different flavor of tea.

• Write in my journal.