Feminism hasn’t lessened the importance of looks

So many women are getting manicures that it almost feels ill-groomed to have unpolished nails. Facial treatments abound — chemical peels, dermabrasion, Botox injections, laser resurfacing, cryofacials, microneedling, the list goes on. Younger women pay for bikini waxes, and African American women for lash extensions.

You would expect the beauty practices that women perform and men don’t would be a feminist issue. Women have fought against inequality on numerous fronts. Feminism brought more women into public office. Females now outnumber males on college campuses. Yet women are spending more time, money, and effort on beauty care than ever.

Let’s not chastise ourselves for that. Those who fought for equal opportunities saw payoffs. There can be negative consequences for flouting beauty norms. 

Did you hear about Melissa Weaver’s job rejection, reported in the Huffington Post? “[Y]ou didn’t put forth enough effort into your appearance, given you were interviewing for a vice president role,” the recruiter told her after Weaver, a New York human resources professional, was turned down following a video interview. Having taken care with her hair and clothes, Weaver suspected that she was passed over for not wearing makeup.

So there are occupational reasons to conform to beauty norms. Pressure also comes from wanting to be attractive to men. Countless studies have shown how much men value looks in women.

Three decades ago, a man commented to me that a widowed acquaintance “won’t have any trouble remarrying; she’s beautiful.” I think I still remember because I was the same age and long divorced.

“[M]en care much more about women’s looks than they let on,” blogger Hugh Schwyzer wrote on the Good Man Project. “And women know it.”

You might argue that men aren’t that shallow. Not all of them are. And some men are getting facial treatments, too. But women are judged on appearance more than men are. 

What about women who no longer have to dress the part for work and aren’t interested in attracting men anymore? Many still take care with their hair and makeup; we’ve been conditioned to care. Some will argue that it’s a personal choice, but our choices are not devoid of societal influences. 

Note that we’re not talking about grooming and hygiene. One hopes that everyone cares about those. We’re talking about going above and beyond, which women do far more than men. According to Forbes, women’s purchases account for more than 80 percent of the market for beauty products.

There is no society in the world where female appearance is not more important than male’s, according to Psychology Today. More than a third of respondents in a Pew Research study believed that physical attractiveness is what society values most in women. Not character or intelligence or creativity but looks.

Society isn’t likely to change soon, but I’ve read suggestions about how a woman can deemphasize the importance of appearance to herself. We might appreciate our bodies for what they can do rather than how they look; focus on what our bodies need to be healthy, not on what we’d like to change in our appearance; and compliment other women on qualities and achievements instead of on clothes and haircuts.

I’ve had three medical appointments that reinforced an emphasis on health instead of looks. My dermatologist advised living with age spots and senile warts because they’re harmless and will come back, requiring repeated expensive treatments. My former dentist discouraged teeth whitening because yellowing is normal as teeth age. My primary doctor said she’s not concerned about my weight. 

Would that I’d felt more liberated by the message. It’s hard for a woman to stop caring how she looks.