Christmas changes after parents are gone

When our parents were still alive and living independently, my sisters Patty and Nancy spent the day after Thanksgiving doing Mom and Dad’s Christmas shopping for 13 kids, spouses, and grandkids. In the meantime, at Mom and Dad’s condo my brother-in-law Bob and I put up two tall Christmas trees, a nativity scene, outdoor lights, and other decorations. When my sisters returned with dozens of gifts, the wrapping began. By the time we went to bed the Friday after Thanksgiving, gifts were stacked up to a half-dozen deep under the tree in the living room. They were opened on Christmas Eve after we ate a traditional Slovak meal made from my grandmother’s recipes.

The last such Christmas was in 2018. Dad and Mom died within the past four years. This is the second year I’ve done no Christmas shopping. Family members in my generation once bought for everyone, and then we cut back by drawing one name each, but now we don’t even discuss whether we’ll exchange presents. 

It feels strange and sad even though I favored reducing the excessive materialism. I suppose it feels strangest for Patty and me, since we’re the single ones without spouses, kids, and grandkids to buy for. Although I really don’t want to return to giving store-bought presents, the barrage of before-Christmas advertising makes me feel left out.

At least my siblings and their families will get together at our sister’s Nancy’s home in an Indianapolis suburb. Rick and Jeannine will come from Plainfield, and their daughter Sarah’s family from Hobart, Indiana. (We’ll miss their son Matt, whose wife is a Lutheran deacon and unable to get away at Christmas.) Patty will come from Milwaukee, picking me up on the way. She is going to make Grandma’s tomato soup, a Christmas Eve favorite. One holiday tradition continues. 

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Wanting to do something to get into the Christmas spirit, I decided to bake cookies for some friends. The Tribune’s winning holiday cookie recipe, graham cracker pralines, seemed easy enough for a someone who seldom bakes. Just four ingredients: graham crackers, butter, brown sugar, and walnuts. You line a pan with the crackers; melt the butter, add brown sugar, and heat; add walnuts; pour the liquid over the crackers; and bake. 

 

In one of the two pans, the crackers came out of the oven stuck to the bottom. In the other pan, most of the crackers were mushy and broke apart. I managed to salvage a few to give to one friend and dumped the rest down the garbage disposal.

In the future I’ll stick with quick breads. 

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I could have put up more decorations than a three-foot tree and stockings for Fanny the cat and me. I could have surprised friends by sending Christmas cards through US mail (thanks to those who still do) instead of via email. 

Or I could think that the holiday stress is gone, clearing the way for the true meaning of Christmas to come to the fore.